Cinderella's satin...

My mother has been a single mom and done a pretty commendable job at that I guess. If Ma reads this statement she might think that I am running a fever or something and can rush with a thermometer inquiring if I had temperature. But jokes apart, she had actually done a commendable job. 

My beautiful Ma

We share a very weird relationship, a bitter sweet, stretchy, probably even a bit brittle- but a strong relationship none the less. We have kind of grown up together. She was working when I was born but she came to her own self along with me. 

I had a tough time growing up. Never really liked the fact that others had both parents while I was stuck with one. But somehow never really blamed her for it. On the contrary, I grew up very fast..somehow always understood her and her limitations.

Ma with white hair. She hates it. I love it.

I remember moving out of my Dadu's house and shifting to Ma's office quarter's for the first time. It was a big day for Ma, her first big step. I remember the kitchen consisted of a kadai, a khunti, a handi, 2 plates and a kerosene stove. Apart from these the only other thing in the flat was a mattress. I loved the mattress, it had mickey mouse drawn all over it. That was OUR first step. She was scared and I knew it but we figured it out together. We survived.

Me and Milky at Salt Lake quarters

I don't know if my mom would agree or not but I was very conscious of her limitations. Very conscious to protect her. She was my mom and I liked being hers. But in the process of growing up with her I somewhere lost my childhood. A lot summers and a lot of winter has passed and Ma and I have had our own share of high and lows. Our relationship had been like a rubber band. We stretch it with our nonsensical baggage but then time bangs us back together. We survive this too.

Few years back for a special event I needed to buy dress material so we went to New Market. Both of us hate shopping (Yes, we are a special lot!), so we just hurry through the process. So walking fast towards the shops, suddenly I realized that my mom was not following me anymore. Knowing her habit of getting stuck at some shop just gazing at something I traced my steps back. Like I expected she was stuck in a shop but strange choice at the kind of shop it was. It was a kids' clothes shop. She was stroking a white Cinderella satin dress with a nostalgic smile. I tried calling her from outside but she was lost in the dress some how. An expectant sales man stood at her tow hoping that she will buy it. The sales man very courteously escorted me in understanding that it was my mother. 

I had no clue why she was in this shop. I elbowed her. She looked up to me as if in daze. I inquired why was she looking at a kid's dress. She smiled. Then stroking the satin folds said, "Remember, you loved this kind of frocks when you were a kid. At that time I didn't have money to buy you such expensive dress but now I have, but look at you- you have grown up." She just looked on at the dress with such innocence. 

There are few moments in life when you want to say a lot of things but words seem to elude you. This was such a moment for me. Never really spoke about this with Ma. But today I choose to write it. Coz by writing I make it real. I make our surviving real. I make us real.

She probably couldn't give me a lot of things and probably she faltered at quite a few steps but what the hell, who doesn't! I am here and I am pretty proud of myself and that's all her work so, she probably couldn't give me Cinderella but she taught me how to reach for my happy ending.

Yes Ma, I have grown up but a white satin Cinderella dress....who cares what age I am.....I would always love it!